Truth in Advertising: Burying the Hatchet by Kris P. Kreme
Handling claims against companies that falsely advertise or make outrageously impossible claims in their commercials, Truth in Advertising Incorporated has seen a lot of ridiculous excuses.
They’ve never had a case though that dragged on as long as the one against Hatchet Body Spray, a company whose commercials indicate women lose control and sexually are drawn to any man who uses their products.
Leon Stinson is the latest man to investigate Hatchet and he might just be surprised by where his investigation takes him.
Truth in Advertising Incorporated investigates cases of false advertising, particularly keeping a handle on exaggerated commercials, unsubstantiated promises, impossible product claims. They are the one force against total lies to the consumer and a new case has just been handed over to investigator Leon Stinson.
Unfortunately for Stinson, it isn’t exactly a new case. In fact three former TIA inc investigators were handed the case, month after month, and each month only leads to the sudden vanishing of those investigators with the case being handed along to yet another TIA representative.
Hatchet Body Spray is the company behind this mysteriously impossible case and their commercial claims are infamous and quite well known. According to the claims, the promises all but made by every print and media ad for their Body Spray, Hatchet can make a man irresistible to women.
The commercials are quite popular, seen worldwide, scenes of average men spraying on the latest variation of Hatchet Body Spray only to be bombarded by female affection, nearly attacked and accosted for their sudden sexual prowess.
One particular case which comes up repeatedly for many cases of false advertising is over-sexualizing the products and Leon Stinson is ready to dive right in and play hardball with Hatchet, no pun intended.
Heading to the corporate tower central to Hatchet Body Spray operations, Stinson demands to see their media relations manager. He is only a bit surprised how quickly he is granted access, heading up to see Edward Farragut, Media and Marketing Manager.
The man is already quite upset before Leon even walks through his door, but it has nothing to do with TIA inc. His argument on the phone has Edward Farragut far too distracted to have time for Stinson, however before quickly ushering Leon out, he tells him what he claims he has already told the other three investigators who clearly didn’t get the message back to their bosses.
Hatchet Body Spray has not falsified anything. The ads show the truth, at least the truth of what undiluted pure Hatchet Body Spray can and does do. To prove his company’s claims and as a measure of good faith he offers a free sampler case, three brand new scents Hatchet will soon be bringing to market.
With that the meeting is over and Leon Stinson rides down the elevator nearly sure he was just given the runaround, rushed and given yet another clearly impossible claim that anything in their exaggerated ads are true.
It’s in the cab ride home that Leon looks over the three tiny bottles of Hatchet Body Spray scents. Orgasmic promises a rather instant response to the scent, Nuzzle-n-Guzzle promises a scent that will have a woman hungering for a mouthful, and Oh Baby claims to cut past the burdens of relationship or ceremony leaving women longing for a man inside her with obvious repercussions.
The claims are ridiculous, textbook cases such as the ones Truth in Advertising Incorporated handles all the time. However, one little spritz of Orgasmic might just change Leon’s rush to judgment and lead him on an investigative trial like no other in his career.
Still, what happened to the other three investigators; why has the case against Hatchet never been buried? Follow along with investigator Leon Stinson, a man given a gift many might wish for, but discover just as he does that sometimes a gift can be both a blessing and a curse one can’t escape from.
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