Watch out when SINtendo goes old school

SINtendo Suburban Sampler by Kris P. Kreme

SINtendo Suburban Sampler by Kris P. Kreme

On a particularly bad day, where Joey has already upset his mother, been humiliated by his sister, and is feeling like the screw up his dad frequently calls him, he might just make the biggest mistake ever… or finally do something his dad can be proud of.

Just trying to avoid the others, he spots a strange man leaving a package at the door, and even though it’s addressed to his dad, he heads into his room to open it, finding a CD labeled as a SINtendo Suburban Sampler.

Curious as to why his dad would get anything from a gaming company, he decides to play the three mini-games on the disc, never knowing those games will forever change his own family.


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Joey has long felt like the outcast of his family, and it isn’t because he tries to do anything wrong. Mistakes just seem to constantly happen, and when it isn’t his mother and father glaring angrily at him or calling him a screw up, it’s his twin sister Zoey who somehow seemed to get all the benefits in their eighteen years of life.

On a day when everything seems to be going wrong, whether it’s the muddy footprints Joey accidentally leaves in the kitchen or the clumsy attempts to clean them which only results in more of a mess, Joey feels like he’s better off hiding away, somewhere he can’t do any more harm to his klutzy reputation as a screw up… but when he goes to the door to find a package left for his father while his mother and sister are cleaning in the kitchen, he may just take screwing up to an entirely new level.

Seeing the man who dropped off the package get into an unmarked white van and drive off, Joey is confused, mostly since the light little package is addressed to his dad, but comes from a gaming company.

Hiding in his room, mostly to avoid further insults from the women in the family, Joey opens the package and finds a single CD inside, a note from someone named Kevin saying to his dad that it’s the sampler disc he requested and to have fun.

Joey never was the best at making responsible decisions, but the moment he decides to load this sampler disc on his computer and play three themed mini-games based around the simpler times of the fifties and sixties, he may just redefine what irresponsible decisions truly are.

The games seem fairly boring when reading the titles, a game called Paper-kid where he delivers newspapers, a game called Milkman to supposedly earn money and enhance the women of the house, and a game called Hairdresser to get that special look for them.

Still, as boring and uninteresting as the sampler CD makes these games sound, it isn’t like Joey has anything else to do, especially since he doesn’t want to screw anything up before his dad returns later that night. So he starts a game of Paper-kid, quickly finding out an amusing if twisted theme of the mini-game.

In Paper-kid, the goal isn’t merely to deliver newspapers, it’s to target the woman of the house as she comes to her door, smacking her with so many newspapers that she clearly looks on screen to become dazed and dizzy.

What Joey never realizes is that while he is tossing newspapers at the door of the suburban home in the game, his mother and sister have heard real knocks at their own door and when his mother answers, she provides the very digitized target Joey is playing the game against. As papers fly out of seemingly nowhere, his mother is slowly but surely getting knocked silly, and his sister provides only another target coming out to help her.

Moving on to the next mini-game, Milkman, Joey couldn’t imagine the confusion his mother and sister are having, no idea who they are anymore, dazed, and more than slightly turned on. But will Milkman deliver some enhancements they never imagined, feeding a corrupting craving they are quickly discovering? Will Hairdresser change more than just the color of their hair? Is Joey fated to make the biggest mistakes ever on this day… or will he finally do something right, even if it’s something wrong?

Joey never had it easy, until the day he opened his dad’s mail and found a SINtendo Suburban Sampler.

Remember readers, there’s all sorts of mail; you never know what you might get. But when it comes from SINtendo, it makes every month more interesting, especially SINtendo September.


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It’s not a get out of jail card…