{"id":13001,"date":"2013-11-17T15:38:53","date_gmt":"2013-11-17T21:38:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/?p=13001"},"modified":"2015-04-22T09:31:44","modified_gmt":"2015-04-22T14:31:44","slug":"never-take-things-too-literally","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/2013\/11\/17\/never-take-things-too-literally\/","title":{"rendered":"Never take things too Literally"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Literally<\/a>

Literally by Kris P. Kreme<\/p><\/div>\n

A near disaster too silly to imagine above earth’s atmosphere leaves the air pungent with the strange odor from exploded Literal Bombs, weapons that create chaos by making what is spoken come true… Literally. Now people all over one area of earth will find common expressions, metaphors, insults, and even what they read out loud coming true in only the most perverse way possible.<\/p>\n

This is one growing problem that will only grow… Literally.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Find it on Smashwords now!<\/a><\/p>\n

Now on Amazon!<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Uranus is about to feel the heat. Yes, Plutonians weren’t the only extraterrestrials in the solar system whose antics on earth will have lasting impressions for a long time to come; now a close encounter with a shuttle from Uranus’ only space program will leave the men and women of earth twisted and controlled by their own words… Literally.<\/p>\n

After a near disastrous crash into earth, Latsyrhc of the Buttholia Uranus Mission manages to avoid the worst and avoid a fate of being stranded forever on the rather simple planet below. Unfortunately his method of pulling up and out from the atmosphere is by dumping some cargo which includes some decommissioned Literal Bombs, weapons no longer safe to use due to the unusual side effects they can cause.<\/p>\n

Dismissing the danger of these bombs, assuming they will simply burn up in the atmosphere, Latsyrhc decides to avoid all the hassle that reporting this incident might involve and continues on his way back towards Uranus. Of course things in one small region of earth below might never be the same.<\/p>\n

Outside the town of Cottonwood, some shooting stars have given way to a strange odor in the air, a slightly smokish haze which no one who breathes in will ever imagine just how strongly it will change their lives.<\/p>\n

The Literal Bombs did not completely burn up and true to their name they make everything one says come true in a much more “literal” sense. People speak in metaphors all the time but when for instance one woman gets a flat tire and realizes she won’t be making the important meeting she has in the morning, her simple exclamation of “I’m totally fucked” starts the chaos that will soon follow.<\/p>\n

From her to a loving couple engaging in some passionate sex where ‘getting ones brains fucked out’ will take on entirely new literal meaning, the drifting remnants of the Literal Bombs float unsuspectingly across the area.<\/p>\n

Soon enough, everything from insults to poetic turns of phrases are becoming true, Literally, and this is one ‘growing’ problem no one is prepared for.<\/p>\n

Get ready for one of the most comedic and twisted tales you’ll ever read, a Klassic from the Kreme bound to create a few laughs and a few fantasies you never even knew you had.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Find it on Smashwords now!<\/a><\/p>\n

Now on Amazon!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A near disaster too silly to imagine above earth’s atmosphere leaves the air pungent with the strange odor from exploded Literal Bombs, weapons that create chaos by making what is spoken come true… Literally. Now people all over one area of earth will find common expressions, metaphors, insults, and even what they read out loud … <\/p>\n

Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13002,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[38,4],"tags":[70,63],"class_list":["post-13001","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kreme-klassics","category-tales-from-the-kreme","tag-kreme-klassics","tag-tales-from-the-kreme","item-wrap"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/Literally-cover.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2iXk7-3nH","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":36658,"url":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/2014\/09\/04\/september-is-fresh-with-kreme-klassics\/","url_meta":{"origin":13001,"position":0},"title":"September is fresh with Kreme Klassics!","author":"Kris P. Kreme","date":"September 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"September arrives and the Kreme is making this month an all Klassic Kreme month! Nine of the most asked for Kreme stories, rewritten, improved and full of fresh Kreme! But why you ask? Because October is coming and that means the annual Halloween with the Kreme spectacular is just around\u2026","rel":"","context":"","block_context":{"text":"Kreme Klassics","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/category\/kreme-klassics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"September Horny Girls Ad","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/SeptemberHornyGirls-Ad.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/SeptemberHornyGirls-Ad.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/SeptemberHornyGirls-Ad.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":29574,"url":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/2014\/04\/17\/the-kreme-of-the-krop-for-2014-is-in\/","url_meta":{"origin":13001,"position":1},"title":"The Kreme of the Krop for 2014 is in!","author":"Kris P. Kreme","date":"April 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"It's time again for The Kreme of the Krop, the best Kreme wrapped in a nice curvy package. This year's Krop includes SINtendo Whee YOO! and Bimbo Bombed, as well as three never before seen Kreme Klassics. In Opposites Attract, watch brainy girl Chloe break down inhibitions at Club Trance,\u2026","rel":"","context":"","block_context":{"text":"Tales from the Kreme","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/category\/tales-from-the-kreme\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kreme of the Krop 2014 by Kris P. 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AnimeDNA is kremier than ever!","author":"Kris P. Kreme","date":"December 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the most popular tales from the Kreme is now the first of a new series of Kreme Klassics! A tale that has been completely re-edited, cleaned up, and extended to perfection. The original tale was the first award winning story written by the Kreme, now available as never\u2026","rel":"","context":"","block_context":{"text":"Kreme Klassics","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/category\/kreme-klassics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"AnimeDNA by Kris P. 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Kreme","date":"November 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Everyone knows about Black Friday, but what about Thanksgiving Kreme Stuffing Month? This month the Kreme is releasing collections of some of his best works for much less than you would have to pay to get them all! Klassics! Konversations! SINtendo! and many more! Special collections of many of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"","block_context":{"text":"Kreme Klassics","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/tag\/kreme-klassics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Thanksgiving Kreme Stuffing Month","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/ThanksgivingKremeStuffingMonth-promotion.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":37920,"url":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/2015\/06\/12\/definitely-not-an-angel\/","url_meta":{"origin":13001,"position":4},"title":"Definitely Not an Angel","author":"Kris P. Kreme","date":"June 12, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"A mysterious man who may not even be a man takes a stroll through the city, just a simple shared experience to better explain the story of who he is. He's powerful in ways most can't fathom, with abilities that could ultimately lead to so much good in the world.\u2026","rel":"","context":"","block_context":{"text":"Kreme Klassics","link":"https:\/\/www.talesfromthekreme.com\/tales\/category\/kreme-klassics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"I'm No Angel by Kris P. 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