Sep 28 2014

Think Klassicly

I Think Therefore You Are by Kris P. Kreme

I Think Therefore You Are by Kris P. Kreme

Popular news anchor, Andrea, is at the mall to get her nails done. Traffic is a nightmare and parking places are being fought for.

After Andrea cuts off a man in a beat up truck taking a spot, she learns a lesson in karma. Returning to her car, she fears an unsafe situation, the same man now parked beside her.

He has few words for her but those words change everything about Andrea, a sudden acceptance of her media whore potential and situations forever on will be more than just unsafe.

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Everyone in town knows Andrea for Channel 11 News. To many she’s the only reason they tune in, and those viewers would predominantly be males of many ages.

Andrea fully knows why men tune in, why she’s the biggest reason Channel 11 has such great ratings, and without knowing it, she’s going to live up to her media whore potential in ways never imagined.

Fighting through a nightmare of parking at the local mall to keep a much needed manicure appointment before hitting the studio, Andrea is already frustrated by this day’s events. When she swoops in and just barely cuts off another driver from the one open parking spot in an aisle, she finds out that others deal with their frustration in different ways.

When she returns from her manicure appointment, Andrea’s shocked to see the same truck she cut off parked right next to her vehicle, and worse still, parked in reverse so that the driver of that truck is seated directly next to the driver’s side of Andrea’s car.

The gruff looking man seems as unkempt and threatening as his truck does, but Andrea is determined to play up her calm and on air demeanor, get in her car, and leave.

The man surprises her though by asking if he knows her from somewhere. Never one to be rude to a potential fan, Andrea admits she’s on Channel 11 News, to which the man simply asks her if she knows what he thinks.

Something about his voice, about the way he says everything leaves Andrea helplessly curious to find out what he thinks, what this bearded rough looking man in the truck thinks. After teasing and leaving her confused, the man grins and tells her “I think therefore you are… a fucking whore.”

Everything changes for Channel 11’s Andrea at that point, the words he speaks cutting deeper than a knife, changing her in ways she can’t explain, much less excuse.

Andrea never realized just what a media whore she was, her body being of more interest to most male viewers than her brain, and now she’s on location at the local mall, a great place for a surprise report, one in which she can use her skills just the way they were always meant to be used.

Some skateboarding teens in a nearby alley find themselves the subject of Andrea’s attention, and even if she is forty years old, the reputation she has earned of being a blonde goddess of television news are true.

Andrea’s about to ruin her reputation though, in ways her viewers will never forget.


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