Fertiliz’er by Kris P. Kreme
Gardner and his wife, Rebecca, are ready to begin spring planting. Gardner plans to look at evergreen trees, while Rebecca is more interested in seeds and fertilizer for her planting. A brainy woman with a botany degree, she soon dumbs down after they meet Toby.
Toby is a giant of a man, simple and kind, but he easily misunderstands things… so when Gardner teases for him to load his wife down with all the seed she can handle, and then remembers to mention fertilizer, Toby very much misses the intent.
He soon has Rebecca thoroughly getting freakishly stuffed with all the seed Toby can give her, all while Gardner cluelessly browses trees on the opposite side of the sprawling nursery.
On a quiet day at a remote countryside nursery, big lumbering oaf of an employee Toby is about to get his big chance to help the customers. Toby is a simple guy, very simple, and that is about to lead to some communication complications that get thoroughly crazy for one woman, after the owner of The Dirty Hoe, Miss Rita leaves Toby in charge when she has a delivery to handle in town.
Since it’s a weekday, the cutely named nursery rarely has any customers, even with the spring planting season among them, but Rita could never imagine just how satisfied the one customer Toby ends up helping becomes after a simple misunderstanding gets out of hand.
Gardner is a fittingly named happy husband and lover of puns, almost as much as he loves planting things and working outdoors. His beautiful blonde wife, Rebecca, is much the same, though she prefers growing things from seeds, rather than planting from pots. With her degree in botany, Rebecca knows all about plants, but in their year of marriage, Gardner has never taken his wife to his favorite countryside nursery… a place he just loves to say the name of, The Dirty Hoe. And while he had suggested the owner Rita name it The Kinky Hose, Rebecca is just about having enough of all the silly puns on the drive out to the place.
Once they reach The Dirty Hoe, the setting couldn’t be nicer, located on acre after sprawling acre between forested hills, the nursery has everything one could imagine… except seemingly an employee to be found.
When the happy couple finally finds one, they meet Toby, hulking muscular giant of a man, and clearly extremely simple-minded from his big grin and rather rural way of speaking. But when Gardner mentions needing some help for his wife while he goes clear across the sprawling nursery to where all the evergreen trees are, Toby’s determination to give the customer what they want or need may get out of hand.
That’s because his misunderstands when Gardner informs him that his wife needs seed, to take her wherever the seed is and load her down, all the seed she can handle, jokingly patting his wife as he cracks a smile. But as he is leaving to look at trees, Gardner remembers one more thing, and calls out to Toby still processing Rebecca’s need for seed.
“Fertilizer,” Gardner calls out, “All the seed she can handle and Fertilizer.”
But big simple-minded Toby completely misunderstands and thinks Gardner is saying to give Rebecca as much seed as she can take and fertilize her. So it isn’t very long after Gardner finds the evergreens and starts eagerly obsessing over picking the best ones… that Rebecca is chatting about the complicated botanical names of common plants. When she admits the botanical names can be a real mouthful, she barely notices Toby grabbing her by the belt and spinning her around, ready to give Rebecca a real mouthful and start giving her all the seed she can handle.
Will Gardner find all the evergreen trees he ever wanted for their property? Will his pretty wife Rebecca be able to deal with a tree she never imagined, one soon to start stuffing her with a certain kind of seed? And will her attempts at communicating with the simple Toby only make things worse… or in fact better as her mind breaks down once her body is thoroughly beginning to enjoy their trip to the nursery in a way she never imagined?
Find out as spring planting gets underway, and we all meet Toby, a giant of a man willing to plant some seed… enough where Gardner and Rebecca may soon be planning a nursery of their own at home this year.
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