Dec 28 2017

You can’t avoid the mall at Krismas

Kris P. Kringle's Kuickies by Kris P. Kreme

Kris P. Kringle’s Kuickies by Kris P. Kreme

A twisted tale of mall mayhem explores crossing paths as a stressed out stepfather deals with unruly teens and mall security seeks out a toy thief this Christmas.

Alan is frustrated, waiting in a slow moving line with Megan and Julie, snarky sarcastic stepdaughters bickering about everything. When an accident during an argument squirts a bizarre cream onto Julie, it starts a domino effect that may release frustration in ways Alan never imagined.

Ellen and Reese are mall security partners, but the shoplifter they seek may be more dangerous than they imagine, the stolen items from a Trance-tory toy store combined into a weapon capable of mental torture and sexual gratification.


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During the last days before Christmas, the mall is anything if not absolute chaos, but two tales are about to collide into one day of ultimate debauchery as impulse buys create impulsive actions and mall security gets securely enjoyed.

Some might call it a family tradition to shop the malls for last minute bargains around Christmas, but Alan would beg to differ, in that he always thought family traditions were intended to be fun… and technically involved actual family

Megan and Julie have never embraced Alan as anything but the guy their mom apparently wanted to screw, hardly even offering the respect a stepfather deserves. So it’s little more than a nightmare when Alan finds himself holding the gifts they picked out for their mother, with the fraternal twins from hell being nothing but snarky and sarcastic behind him in what seems to be a never moving line.

Trapped in a crowded aisle, only one register open at the store that offers a bit of everything, Alan can’t escape the snarky comments, the crude jokes, the girls always quick to push him to the edge of sanity, Christmas chaos easily toppling him over the edge. As though it weren’t bad enough to be dealing with Megan and Julie, the register apparently is having issues way up at the front of the line they all stand in, someone checking it, rechecking, generally seeming like a frustrated line of shoppers is no big deal.

Unlike the men standing behind Megan and Julie, content to idly pass the time ogling the teenage girls, there isn’t even anything for Alan to occupy his mind with, other than thoughts of what annoying comment the more aggressive sister Megan will come up with next to try and push his buttons.

The aisle to either side of them is filled with those last second impulse buy items, items no one needs but everyone gets tempted by, particularly when stuck in a non-moving line with the stress of the holiday season boiling one’s nerves.

Yet it isn’t Alan who gets obsessed with any of the impulse buys. He’s just trying to maintain some sanity, listening to the constant bickering of the girls, and that is when Megan and Julie begin fighting over the little sunscreen looking squeeze tube off the shelf nearby.

Julie wants to take a SnapChat with it because it’s hilarious, Megan just wants to read the label, and as usual neither sister can be patient or polite for even a half a second.

Losing his cool, Alan turns and snatches the little squeeze tube from Megan, tossing it toward Julie to solve the argument once and for all. Unfortunately he tosses it a bit more wildly than intended and much to the amusement of the men behind them in line, the little sunscreen looking tube lands perfectly right in Julie’s cleavage.

Naturally Megan is amused, her sister embarrassed and a whole new bickering begins as Julie tries to remove it from her chest, Megan insisting on moving in behind her and grabbing her chest, all of this providing endless amusement to those men behind them in line.

Yet when the inevitable happens and the girls shoving and pushing at each other uncaps the tube and white cream shoots out over Julie’s chest, Alan is going to be dealing with more than an unexpected impulse buy he now has to pay for.

As the girls continue to argue, Julie mostly about getting cream squirted on her breasts, Alan picks up the tube mostly since it’s his now… or will be whenever the line moves. Reading the label, he thought he’d seen enough craziness and chaos at the mall today, but nothing explains what Moo Cow Cream is.

On the shelf where this little squeeze tube came from are a random assortment of other creams, none having the same title as Moo Cow Cream, but all seeming the same, just different flavors of some bizarre skin cream product he knows makes no sense, particularly when Megan explains that Moo Cow Cream supposedly turns the girl that uses it into a human cow, filling their boobies with milk.

It has to be a novelty product, some crude little joke, but when Julie stretches unintended moans into moos and dark spots appear on her tight top, everything Alan knows goes out the window.

Will Alan finally snap from putting up with his snarky bickering stepdaughters and use another flavor of skin cream to put Megan in her place? Will Julie find herself becoming a dimmer dummer moo cow?

The answers may have to wait as mall security is on the lookout for a shoplifter, and this is the opportunity Ellen Shaw knows her mall security partner Reese Williams has been waiting for to advance his career.

They are instructed to cross the mall and watch for a man in a hoodie, one who has definitely not left the mall yet but was caught on camera stealing several items from Trance-Toys, one of the more popular toy stores.

Ellen has always been quite exceptional at mall security, even if it’s mostly just a job to her. On the other hand Reese has seriously been lusting to move up and be a cop, truly embracing the lifestyle of protecting and serving, to the extent he even carries a special taser he purchased himself, one he explains to Ellen is the Trance-Taser 2000 from Trance-tory, which happens to be the same company behind Trance-Toys.

As he puts it they make top of the line stuff, so catching this thief will surely go a long way for making his career advancement a reality.

Splitting up, each taking a side of the overly crowded central mall corridor, Ellen and Reese are on the lookout for their perp. However something about this perp may surprise them as he has stolen a very specific set of harmless toys, toys that when combined a certain way, when wires are crossed and Trance-tory tech is blended just right, creates a weapon that can truly alter their thoughts and actions.

Will mall security catch the Trance-tory thief? Just who is this thief really working for and what are his motives? What about Alan and his cream altered stepdaughters; will Reese and Ellen end up busting him for downright inappropriate behavior with the girls that always drove him crazy?

Find out as a day in the mall gets chaotically carnal with Kris P. Kringle’s Kuickies.


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Coming next.. What happened… Days Later…