Jun 07 2016

Don’t be chicken Readers!

FusterCluck the Chicken by Kris P. Kreme

FusterCluck the Chicken by Kris P. Kreme

Tim and his wife Laura are exhausted, his son Sam and her daughter Beckah not any better off. Upscale neighborhood or not, none of them are living comfortably anymore.

Today he is confronting his new neighbor, Billy Bob, about the damn rooster he keeps as a pet. Joined by Sam and Beckah, Tim is raging when they see the offensive pet but what happens when Billy Bob informs them that his precious chicken is not one to be trifled with?

Can the family handle Fustercluck the Chicken, or will Fustercluck handle the family? Find out in the Readers Choice tale that introduces the newest and likely silliest character ever.


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Tim and Laura have been living the good life since their marriage, fortunate in all ways, he with a strong college bound son, Sam, and Laura with an equally college bound and always sweet daughter, Beckah. They’ve all lived well together, even the kids getting along throughout their high school years, and perhaps the most obvious sign of their comfortable life as a family is the place they call home.

Not just anyone can live in the very private neighborhood, surrounded on all sides by lush and beautiful forest. The lots or nice and large, the homes quite luxurious, and best of all the Home Owner’s Association is always there to ensure that the neighborhood is kept peaceful and cozy for everyone.

Sadly, the HOA has missed out entirely on Tim and Laura’s new neighbor, the quite out of place redneck named Billy Bob. While there are definite oddities to the man, it isn’t Billy Bob that is solely responsible for completely ruining everything Tim, Laura, Sam, and Beckah have. They may all have a lot and be quite fortunate, but for the past two weeks none of them have had a bit of sleep and it seems they just aren’t fortunate to have the HOA on their side in this matter.

Billy Bob brought one single nuisance with him when he moved to the expensive neighborhood from the country, and that would be his pet chicken, recognized by the Home Owner’s Association as his one allowed pet and so slipping by all regulations about nuisance animals. The problem is, Billy Bob’s chicken isn’t a chicken at all. It’s a rooster and this particular annoying rooster crows constantly, for no apparent reason other than to drive the only neighbors within earshot out of their mind.

On a particularly stressful morning, when Tim is already ranting, Laura doesn’t have good news to share, their petition to the HOA falling on deaf ears, which are the only kind Billy Bob’s chicken wouldn’t keep up at night. Tim has had enough and is ready to confront their recently arrived neighbor and make it quite clear that either he gets rid of the rooster or the gloves come off. Encouraged by his wife to snap some pictures of the offending chicken, just in case Billy Bob refuses any help, she has a good point since the HOA simply believes the pet is a chicken, reported by Billy Bob upon moving in, and not the rooster he clearly is.

With the exhausted and mind numbed Sam and Beckah in tow, Tim crosses through the small wooded section at the back of their property, finding the cheap chain link fence Billy Bob also managed to skirt past the HOA rules. There, on the other side, is the damn chicken that has ruined their comfy lives so effortlessly, and as always he’s jumping around and squawking like crazy for no apparent reason.

Spotting his neighbors, Billy Bob waves and joins them with his always casual and charming simplicity but he’s quick to warn them about his pet, the fittingly named Fustercluck the Chicken. As he puts it, Fustercluck is the one no one in this neighborhood really wants to annoy, because once Fustercluck has been annoyed, things go to hell in a hand basket quite fast.

Assuming it’s just a game to his ignorant redneck neighbor, Tim pulls out his phone, snapping away some pics of the angry Fustercluck, but when the chicken clucks and hops around more animated than ever before, managing to lunge at the fence where Beckah leans, pecking her on the thigh everything just becomes one big clusterfuck of epic proportions.

Tim is fuming, Beckah is dazed, and Sam is baffled when suddenly his stepsister is lunging at him. One bite leads to more bites, leads to all out chaos for the upscale family, who descend quite willingly into purely animalistic actions and all while Fustercluck the Chicken seems to finally have gone calm.

Just what will they finally do to solve their bad neighbor problems, or will Tim, Laura, and their kids become quite bad themselves? Find out in the story that introduces a new Kreme character to the craziest mix around, Fustercluck the Chicken. (No chickens were harmed in the writing of this story… in fact no chickens were even in it. It’s a rooster.)


Find it on Smashwords now!

Now On Amazon!